thoughts on my heart

“Now the Lord is the Spirit and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty. But we all with unveiled face beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:4-18

Here I am sitting at my kitchen table at 3 am, awake and drafting a letter because in the middle of nursing my 8 week old baby girl God told me in no uncertain terms “Cari, you have had a pretty good run, you have run a good amount of your life in pride, but it is over and I am taking over. I am leading you to 2 Corinthians 3:4-18 and we are moving on to the future of promise and hope I have for you.” Even with that strong word from the Father can you believe I still finished nursing my precious Ainsley, put her back to bed and walked - not to the Word or to this computer - but to my soft warm bed and wrestled sleep and God’s conviction for a good 5 minutes. I mean who wouldn’t. I have a 2 year old and an 8 week old, both of which are asleep, and I am exhausted. But that is not what God had in mind, he had this in mind.

He is right, He always is. I have had a pretty good run, but I have felt that weary road of “adequacy in my-“self” coming to an abrupt end. I have to be authentic though. The fear of letting go and actually confessing weakness in my life is almost scarier than hanging on to it. But here again, God knows my heart and knows how I feel about those weak areas that cause me to feel guilt, shame, unworthiness, and honestly to feel like I just look “too broken to fix and definitely not worth using”. That is why He took me to 2 Corinthians and Paul chatting about Moses, and the powerful work of the LIVING Holy Spirit, and how God’s desire is to take us from glory to glory. Paul was trying to express to the Corinthians, just as God is trying to express to me, that the only way “glory to glory” is going to happen is if I am willing to lay down the old covenant. To lay down my old self, and embrace the new lasting covenant that the Spirit of God is offering.

Okay, so going back to what I said the other day about laying before the Father and washing in the blood to grow in wholeness, I am recognizing another huge piece to that puzzle. I have to recognize the Life Giving Power of the Holy Spirit. That is what Paul is talking about here. And again, I am walking through a new faith, a “new covenant” with the Lord I am just getting this Truth. I recognize that I have no WHOLE part to offer the Lord. Just as Paul states “Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God” I agree with the Lord that I have to “Come to the Lord, and learn from Him” (Matthew 11:29).

It isn’t that my life has had no worth or God’s Glory in it these 20 years of being a believer, but I will recognize that in this hour of my faith I am overwhelmed with what the Lord is desiring from me. I am gaining understanding to what Paul is saying here. That if Moses had impact with a glory that was fading. Although Moses was meeting God as a man would face to face, he was meeting God before the everlasting covenant of the Holy Spirit had come to earth, through the perfect sacrifice of Jesus, the Lamb of God. That when Paul says “But if the ministry of death, in letters engraved on stones, came with glory, so that the sons of Israel could not look intently at the face of Moses because of the glory of his face, fading as it was, how shall the ministry of the Spirit fail to be even more with glory? For if the ministry of condemnation has glory, much more does the ministry of righteousness abound in glory. For indeed what had glory, in this case has no glory on account of the glory that surpasses it. For if that which fades away was with glory, much more that which remains is in glory.” 2 Corin 3:7-11

Basically God is saying lay down my old covenant, my daily “letters” of pride, selfishness, unforgiveness, bitterness, guilt, shame, unworthiness, and that feeling of looking “too broken to fix and definitely not worth using”. I am a child of God, born again in new life. But the sin and yuk in my life unfortunately did not stop growing. That if God was and is able to use me while I choose to hang on to my sin, again going back to what Paul is saying “we are not adequate in ourselves” how much more could God use of my life actually accepting the work of the Holy Spirit in and through me.

I have to get okay with my fear, inadequacy, the anticipation of discipline, a potential bit of short term pain in confession and just go to God. Dispelling the lies of the enemy that condemnation awaits me. Removing the veil of my humanness and just going to God. To like I said the other day. Appropriating the blood of Jesus. Living free. Living saved. That Paul goes on to say “But their minds were hardened; for until this very day at the reading of the old covenant the same veil remains unlifted, because it is removed in Christ. But to this day whenever Moses is read, a veil lies over their heart; but whenever a man turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.” 2 Corin 3:14-16

That when I just go to God with EVERYTHING the veil is lifted. The veil of fear. The veil of an unrested soul. The veil of self inflicted burden. The veil of discontentment. The veil of a broken soul, mind and heart. The veil of separation.

Which brings me to a place in this unfolding that I love. I love how the entire Bible cover to cover goes together, it is all related. It is the inspired Word of God! So Moses talks about the veil in Exodus, Paul is using the description of that veil in Corinthians and then the promise of Christ’s new covenant and desire to tear down every veil is overcome and won through the sacrifice and redemption of Christ in Luke! “..and the VEIL of the temple was TORN IN TWO!!!!” Luke 23:45

And the best most awesome part of my Jesus is this, that when that veil tore in two and He shed His blood for me, He victoriously bought my LIBERTY! To which He wants me to LIVE in every day, not just brush over with closed eyes and locked ears. He doesn’t want me to carry one bit of the heavy “old covenant” of my sinful life…”Now the Lord is the Spirit and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is LIBERTY! But we all, with unveiled face beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the SPIRIT!” 2 Corin 3:17-18

Yes, it is hard for me to unlock the grip my fingers have on the areas of pride in my life and recognize I am not adequate in myself. No matter how much I know, no matter how much I read, no matter how much “good” I think is in me, no matter how many conferences I go to, no matter how much I pray, no matter what counsel I seek, no matter who I lead to Christ…….Jesus tore my veil. That is it. He did it and He is the one that does it again every morning, and really every millisecond of my day. He loves to tear down all the veils I put up between the two of us. And what a tender thought, that He really does desire to see ALL of me, and more importantly He actually wants ME to see ALL of Him!

“And Moses made haste to bow low toward the earth and worship!” Exodus 34:8

Love to you today!
Cari